What are you?

I had this revelation today while riding. Perhaps the idea has always been stuck in my mind but I decided to finally think it through. It’s about how people try to live up to what others think of them. I guess it happens to everyone.

For instance, I always get introduced to people by my friends as “this is sarah, she rides her bike a lot, works out a lot… yadda yadda yadda.” It’s always been that … ‘crazy athletic sarah” … so a part of me feels as if I have to live up to that because that’s what people think of me. When I did my first cycling race my freshman year I ended up winning the uphill time trial … from that moment on I was coined “a climber.” Immediately I had confidence that I could excel on any hilly course because people had faith in me that I could do it… which trickled on down to me believing in myself. However, climbers and sprinters don’t go hand and hand. More than likely, you’re one or the other. So, along with me being coined a “climber” I was also intuitively coined a “non-sprinter.” I still have trouble overcoming that one…every race weekend I believe I can do well in a road race but I hope just to be in the finishing sprint for the crit… with not much belief that I’ll ever be fast enough to win it. Amazing what one sentence 4 years ago can do to ya.

I find it just weird that sometimes you don’t believe in yourself until someone you trust reaffirms your idea. My senior year of high school was the first time a guy I liked actually told me I was pretty. My entire childhood I just thought that all boys thought I was ugly, until this one guy told me that one sentence. From that point on, I began having a little more self-esteem. I guess it’s just a shame that we feel like someone has to confirm things for us to believe them.

Same goes with personality. Basically everyone who meets me realizes in a quick second that I laugh at everything. I am pretty easily amused. Sometimes I’m not even happy and I’ll laugh just because people expect it from me. Yes, you might think that’s stupid. However, it also prevents people from asking you if you’re okay or if something is wrong. The moment one of my friends sees me not laughing and smiling, they immediately think something terrible is going on. But hey, I’m human and have bad days just like anybody else. It just sucks sometimes to feel as if I have to be all laughing and smiling in order for people to think I’m okay. But with all that said, I am actually a pretty happy person.

I guess I just wish human nature would exist without people feeling as if they have to live up (whether it be good or bad) to what other people think of them. Maybe, it’s just me… but I seem to constantly notice it in other people as well. I think sometimes we just aren’t fully aware of why we act the way we are. It’s the power of words.

When I meet someone I try to give them a clean slate, whether I’ve heard good or bad of them. It doesn’t always workout well, but I believe I should try to let them prove it to me instead of taking what other people say as truth. Everyone deserves a chance to prove people wrong. There are actually people out there whom I’ve met who think I’m a completely quiet or shy person (just because of the day that they met me) … if that notion of me went around the world, people would end up thinking I was drugged every time I’m acting incredibly silly and laughing at everything. There are many people whom I’ve met that have proved me wrong from opinions spoken of these people beforehand. I guess everyone views someone differently.

Anyway… I guess my advice is to just be cautious of what you say. You can change someone to be better or worse… all depends on how that person operates inside.

So what are you? Are you going to be what everyone has always thought you to be? Or are you going to be who you truly think you are?