Always Smiling

Intelligence for Your Life

2008-12-28T15:00:00.014-05:00

This Christmas I read John Tesh's Intelligence for Your Life. It's based off of his radio show that I catch snipits of on my drive home from work. It was a quick read and had many thought provoking messages, at least for me. Here are the ones that struck me in my current life... and if you read the book you'll get the whole concept a little better. ;) Hope you enjoy!
* Helen Keller said it best: "Many people have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose"

* Proverbs 19:21: "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails."

* However, I will say that living a life of purpose takes work, and it takes support. If you are surrounded right now with people who are not aligned with your new mission in life, it will be difficult. Part of living with purpose is learning to act immediately on the encouraging tug of your conscience.

* Living with a purpose, living intelligently, is a matter of vision. Like a football quarterback, when purpose-driven people look at the playing field, they don't see line markers and grass; they see opportunities for scoring touchdowns. When they see an opening, they call the appropriate play. They are active, not passive. They see the big picture, but instead of being intimidated they embrase the opportunity to make a difference.

* Our most perishable resource is time, but we spend it on things not at all worth of that time.

* Money can buy sustained happiness if used in one distinct way: to purchase experiences. It's the experiences -- the memories -- that give lasting happiness, not the fanciness of the experiences.

* When it comes to adults, our circle of friends has decreased by a third over the past 19 years, according to Health magazine. And it's not just that we're lacking dinner dates. We also have fewer people to turn to when we're sad, stressed, or otherwise in a crisis. And this means we miss the health benefits of having a strong social network -- which can do everything from boost your immune system to protect you from heart disease, cancer, depression, and anxiety. (Always thankful for the friends I've been blessed with :) )

* Remember, forgiving doesn't mean condoning what happened.

* Don't wait for an apology. It's not really about getting the other person to change; it's about letting go. The bottom line is that we can't change the past, but letting go of old hurts will make for a happier and healthier future.

* On what it takes to live to be 100 ...
... Resilience -- keeping your spirits up, getting through hard times with a positive attitude, not letting illness or the passing of friends drag you down. To be resilient you need to believe that life still has a lot to offer. You need to believe God's promise: "'I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"

* Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows it's true colors.(James 1:2)

* Open your eyes that you may see wonderful things. Open your eyes to the certainty that opportunity and greatness are waiting for you right now. Open your eyes to the guarantee that God will place the opportunity in your path.

* My worst feer was the fear of how I would feel if I made a mistake. (I liked this one because I think anxiety doesn't come from unforeseen actions, but that it comes from the fear that we don't know how we'll react, how we'll feel, how we will choose to deal with those feelings.)

* Ladies, be encouraged. Do not be afraid to challenge your man to get right with God. Men, don't be afraid to take the hand of a powerful woman. It can lead you to riches you never imagined.

* Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. (Proverbs 4:23)
* I have also learned that sometimes it's not enough just to guard your heart. You must fill it up to make it less vulnerable. Fill it will positive influences. Approach it the way you would a good diet plan. Most experts agree that if you let yourself became famished, you will reach for the first thing in front of you. (Not that I'm referring to several of my exs who grabbed the first pretty woman they saw to fill their heart's emptiness... no not at all. Ha. But I think hearts can also be filled with other positive things... finding what truly makes you happy, your desires, your favorite hobby, volunteering -- not just filled by people. Best to fill it up with small things first before you make yourself vulnerable to someone whose feelings you have no control over.)
* Fill your heart with positive influences. A famished heart is vulnerable enough to fall victim to the world's most tempting vending machine.
* It's your responsibility to protect yourself from those people and things that would be destructive to your heart and prevent you from living an abundant life.

* God made you for joy, not so you could bear the weight of the world. (God died so we would not have to suffer enternally. I think this goes for here on Earth too. At least for me ... if I feel guilty about anything, I tend to punish myself continually -- mentally and physically. Yet, God already paid the price of sin. He wants me to enjoy the life He gave me. I do not have to bear the weight of my sins. I just need to ask for forgiveness, and He'll lift this weight off of my heart.)

* Focus on what's happening now. The past is over. When you're nostalgic, you're dwelling on what you don't have anymore. And if you're too focused on the future, then you want what you don't have. The only way to be truly happy is to relish what you do have, what you can do, and who are are right now.

* ... God wants nothing more from us and for us than love. If we pray without ceasing, read God's Word, and stay connected with him all throughout the day, then we can't help but behave lovingly. and when we behave lovingly, people want to hang out with us.

* "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith developes perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:2-4).

Well, this was a long post, but I tried to section it off so you could jump around reading it. The book enlightened me, and was great to read at the end of what's been a trialing month.

Love,
Sarah

Too many updates.

2008-08-07T21:42:00.003-04:00

Yup... once again I'm here to state the obvious: it's been too long since I've updated. On a good note though, that means I've been super busy. I've had quite the eventful summer and I hope to write about some of the adventures in the next couple of days... however, I have a penn stater visiting shortly --Kristin Clark! :) -- so I have to make this posting short. I have become a hotel of sorts of people traveling across the country. Yay for living on I-80! :) I'm just glad people remember I live in Omaha!

I've been loving Omaha the past couple of months. I started moving forward in life back in April and haven't looked back since. Doing things that truly make me happy and I'm loving it.

Biggest news is that I bought a house!!! (Separate post for that one is needed).

I've been having terrible head problems lately ... 3 weeks of on and off pain and basically non-stop pain for the past 6 days. I've gotten a cat scan, an MRI, 800mg motrin, tylenol with codeine, and currently vicodin to try to relieve the pain and figure out what's going on. They found a little white spot in my head on the cat scan and MRI but they don't think it's serious and aren't quite sure what it is either. I have a follow up appointment on August 18th with a neurologist and hopefully they'll have some better answers. My head has felt much better today which is absolutely great! Hopefully it'll stay that way.

Work has been amazing now that I've switched departments and am on the Innovation team. I love what I'm doing now and get to work with some awesome people and some awesome bosses. Definitely makes a difference when you have a great team.

I did a triathlon back in June which was so hard without having run since October! I had fun though and my good friend Kelly from work came to cheer me on. She comes to most of my races and I really appreciate it! I also did a few cycling races in Nebraska. It was super fun to race again and I managed a 3rd place at the Nebraska State Criterium! Averaged nearly 23mph for 45 minute race with the majority of the race time trialing it. I enjoyed my couple of races this summer but I still like not having the pressures of performing. So while I'm not racing to my potential ... I still have fun with what I'm doing. I like to say I workout and not train ... as I just do what I feel like each day and I don't freak out if I miss a day of exercise... or half a week. Hehe.

I've seen my family a ton this summer, which has been amazing!! I was home for a week at the end of May and got to celebrate my 25th birthday with my parents. My mom came up at the beginning of June to watch me race in the state crit. I also saw my parents over 4th of July when I went down to Junction City, KS to visit my Grandpa and watch my Dad race in the annual 10K run in JC. Unfortunately I saw my parents just 2 weeks later for my Grandpa's funeral. :( He had surgery to remove an aneurysm in his aortic vein. The surgery went okay but he passed away a few days later from a bladder infection. Sad sad sad day ... and I'm still praying for my Dad as he just lost his Mom in December. They were a loving couple and I keep their picture above my computer to remind me of how great my family is.

So that's a bit of a summary of my summer and I hope to write more soon. Oh! and my brother has a website you should check out www.ryanbickerstaff.com It follows his Olympic triathlon pursuit so check it out.

Make it a great day!

Sarah

Looking above for happiness

2008-04-15T23:03:00.003-04:00

It's been waaaay too long since I've updated my blog. I feel like so much has happened... yet not really. Ha. A couple weeks ago I woke up and re-evaluated what I was doing in my life right now and I wasn't too happy with myself... so I took a stanz to change it and trust God that He will lead me in the right way. I can't even express how joyful I've been inside. It's been a tough couple of weeks staying strong and the past year since I've moved to Omaha hasn't been anything close to easy. I think I've grown so much since I graduated from Penn State last May. I feel like I know more of what I want and need in this life we have been given here on Earth. And I'm excited to start living my life towards it. :)

I did a cycling race this past Sunday in Lincoln and was very proud of myself. I was in a break away with 2 other girls who were on the same team and they constantly attacked me! It was incredibly hard to stay up with them, but the race also gave me confidence in what type of shape I'm in. The past 7 weeks have been a bit of an athletic struggle so I wasn't sure how I'd do. As mentioned above, a lot of stuff has happened recently which led to some stomach problems which leads to me losing weight and not having enough energy to even workout. I had to be pretty careful to not over do it, but I feel like I'm slowly getting better. Gee ... I wonder what it'd be like with a normal immune system.

I'm leaving tomorrow with my good friend Jen for Penn State! I'm super excited to see all my old college friends again!! I definitely miss the Pennsylvania scenery and I'm praying for safe travels. Please pray too. :)

More happy thoughts: Gavin Degraw + Oxygen concert on April 23rd, triathlon in June, a week more of vacation, warm weather, getting back into guitar, ConAgra softball, new episodes of The Office, and always ... good smiles from friends.

Love,
Sarah

'NSync ... one decade ago

2008-03-06T00:10:00.002-05:00

Tonight I thought I'd increase my history knowledge by watching an hour documentary about the great influenza of 1918... uhh.. BAD IDEA! ... It was so depressing. I hate going to bed in a sad mood so I was trying to figure out what would make me smile.

I decided to take a journey back to 8th grade... 10 whole years ago. Over Christmas I had taken a bunch of old VHS tapes from home to have here in my apt. One of them is the infamous 'NSync video. I swear I almost cried when I got it for Christmas ... I mean, what teenage girl wasn't obsessed with the group?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wq4trMQjDqs

Anyways, at the end of the VHS they show a couple songs from the Disney special they had done in 1998. I put a bittersweet smile on my face because I knew exactly where I had first seen it. The hour Disney special was on the Disney channel in July 1998 but my family didn't get that channel so my mom had asked a co-worker to tape it. However, I was out of town that weekend at my Grandma and Grandpa's house in Kansas and THEY had the Disney channel. :) So, I remember forcing my Grandma to watch the pop music and dance moves with me for the whole hour, all the while explaining how I was going to marry Justin Timberlake and how awesome the group was. Put a little tear to my eye ... miss you Grandma.

The VHS tape sure made me laugh though...

Happy Face,
Sarah :)

Trek up the Tower -- RESULTS!

2008-02-26T23:13:00.002-05:00

The race on Saturday went awesome!!!! (I'll post photos once my parents send them to me :) )

The morning sort of started off bad as my Dad had one of his heart "episodes". Basically if he warms up and raises his heart rate just a little bit and then stops too soon he'll pass out. First time it happened was nearly 8 years ago and he got medicine for it... his blood pressure just drops down to like 60/40 so the medicine is to raise his already super low blood pressure. But he refuses to take his medicine because he says "it doesn't cure the problem, it just masks it". Not the smartest thing to think, Dad. Anyways, he was standing beside me and said "oh no" and my Mom thought he had forgotten something at the apt but I realized what was about to happen because he gets this glazed look on his face. I tried to catch him the best I could but I was in front of him and not behind him when he collapsed. He hit his head on the tile but not very hard as I got most of his weight on me. Usually he'll just pass out though, and this time it was like he was having a seizure. I remained calm because I knew what was going on but it was pretty freaky and made a lot of people pretty worried and scared. His eyes were like wide open and he was practically convulsing and was breathing extremely heavy and turning his head slowly from side to side. Made quite the scene. He came to about 10 seconds later and convinced the medical folk to let him race. He still did awesome and finished in 7:02. I kinda got mad at him though as he doesn't quite realize that even though he doesn't want to take his medicine, he's worrying the rest of us who care about him.

I had no idea what to expect of the 40 floors and my dad started right behind me. I saw him catching up to me at about floor 7 and was like "oh great, this can't happen" haha. Around floor 10 I thought i was going to die and at that point everyone is just kinda walking. I was getting terribly dizzy because you can barely breathe but I made it up in 6:34 (according to my watch... but i had started my watch a few seconds before i went off the start line). I knew last year's winning woman's time was 6:48 so I was pretty happy. But then again last year there were 500 people and this year 750, so I figured a lot more talented people showed up. Plus, I get pretty intimidated by all the super skinny girls and with muscles all over the place. I swear I don't have a visible muscle on me... I think it's all hidden. Ha.

Anyways, they posted the early results and they had 1st and 2nd tied at 6:28, but my name wasn't up yet. Finally half an hour later they updated the results and listed me as 6:27!!!! I was so freakin happy! I was like jumping up and down. haha. Mainly because I wasn't expecting to do that well as I haven't run since October, have been sick, etc. So I got $100 for winning and actually ended up 44th out of all 682 people! http://www.onlineraceresults.com/event/view_event.php?event_id=2364yay!!!!!!!

This race also gave me motivation for my potential in racing. I know I have so much freakin drive in me to do well, it's just a matter of focusing on it again. I signed up for the Pigman Tri and in a couple weeks once it gets a little warmer out I'll start running and swimming again. I miss being able to train with people though... so maybe I'll find a good cycling group to ride with.

The rest of the day I drove my parents around town to get us out of the apartment. We went to dinner at the Passport Restaurant downtown and it was delicious!! Then we headed over to the Phantom of the Opera which was pretty amazing. I like going to those types of things where I'm just in awe of people's talent. Made for a super long day though. We got up at 6am for the race and the show didn't end until 11pm. My parents went to church with me Sunday morning and then headed home from there. It was a nice visit, but as always, went by too fast. They brought up some of my Grandma's cooking stuff so now I have a cookbook from 1945 and a waffle iron! (It's nice to have things around that will remind me of Grandma.)

All day Sunday I just relaxed and cleaned. Today I finally worked out again and rode my bike 28 miles on the trainer -- nice and easy. I need to get back on some sort of schedule. My mind has been anywhere and everywhere lately, though, so hopefully that will change soon and I can focus on my true passions.

Work has been crappy this week ... Just because I'm kind of in a stalled stage and need to do online training -- i.e. staring at powerpoint presentations all day. Not so much fun. I'm looking forward to the weekend but don't have any plans yet. It's supposed to be 55 degrees though!!! So maybe I'll head outside to ride my bicycle.

Cheers,
Sarah :)

Is it spring yet?

2008-02-20T16:48:00.002-05:00

Today on my walk to work the windchill was -25 degrees. Yes, negative with an actual temp of like -5. This means it's cold outside. I want some warm weather and am anxiously awaiting for March to get here. I also am super excited to get spring storms again ... yay for Tornado Alley! I miss all the lightning shows in the sky! :)

Life has been GOOD lately and I'm super excited for a lot of things coming up! My parents are getting here Friday for a short visit. My Dad and I are doing the Trek up the Tower (see a couple posts ago ...). I've been sick for the past week with a lot of congestion but it's clearing up and I want it to be a fair race between my Dad and I. It's gonna be pretty cool ... and my asthma is gonna be suffering. ha. We're also taking my Mom out for a birthday dinner at a yet to be determined super nice restaurant downtown and then going to Phantom of the Opera!

After that it'll be a week away from being March. In March I plan on running again. Slowly getting back into it. It will give me 3 months to get into running shape for the Pigman Tri in Iowa on June 1st. It will be my first triathlon in 3 years!!! I want to win it and am hoping I can train smart enough to do that. But I'm also trying not to have too high of an expectation for myself. ha.

Jen and I are going to Penn State for Blue & White weekend in mid-April. Absolutely THRILLED to be going back and seeing a ton of my friends from college. Penn State is beautiful as well and I miss those mountains!! I don't think I'll be able to ride while I'm there which is a bummer ... but maybe. :) After that trip, I'll still have 6.5 days of vacation left that I'll need to use up by June 1st. Haven't figured out if I want to go on a lil trip or just visit my parents in Oklahoma.

Guess I haven't updated in awhile... I'll do better! :)
Smile,
Sarah

Follow your heart or mind.

2008-02-06T00:32:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking a lot lately, which for me is usually never a good thing. Therefore, I've been trying to occupy my mind with listening to hours on end of music each night and working on my new rug. My hand is killing me from working on it so much, but it's going to look really nice when it's completed.

The past week has just been hard for me and I don't always deal with it in the best ways. But, the past 2 days have been a lot better. Sometimes I just get into these moods where I don't know what I'm doing with my life and if I'm doing any good at all. It's frustrating. We never know if we're doing the 'right' thing, so I guess we just have to follow our heart. My friend Tracey was telling me about this book where it talks about listening to your heart, otherwise your heart will become restless and stop talking to you if you don't take the time to listen to it. I think I have trouble with this at times because my mind is telling me one thing and my heart/soul is leading me elsewhere -- inner turmoil at its finest.

Anyways, I found a good friend quote today ...
"A friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents of one's heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away."- Arabian Proverb

Trying to sleep...
Sarah

Vulnerable

2008-01-31T22:03:00.000-05:00

Share with others how important they are to you.
Relationships are built on mutual appreciation, and there is no better way to show that appreciation than to tell someone how much you care.

Researchers at the University of Houston have studied the question of why we don't tell people how important they are to us. One area they studied was reaction to sad events like funerals.
One subject, Bill, lost a close family member recently. Some of Bill's friends sent sympathy cards, some sent flowers, some sent notes, some told him they were there for him. And some did nothing.
Why did some of his friends not say anything?
Perhaps they thought that telling others we care means being vulnerable. For these people, relationships may be more of a competition than a celebration, and competitions are premised on strength, power, and position.
Researchers caution that we don't win AT relationships, we win by HAVING relationships.

Research on unemployed adults has found that the length of unemployment was less important to a person's self-esteem than the amount of social support received from parents, family members, and friends.
[from the book The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People by David Niven]

Something to think about. How vulnerable are you?

Smile :)
Sarah "the vulnerable" Bickerstaff

Trek up the Tower

2008-01-28T23:41:00.000-05:00

http://www.trekupthetower.org/

February 23, 2008.

Team: The Stairwells.
Me and my Dad climbing to the top of First National Bank. I hope to beat him. ;) I'm super excited to do the race, and I might eventually start trying to 'train' for it.

Climbing,
Sarah

The Good.

2008-01-28T23:08:00.000-05:00

I was conversing with my ole college friend Mike Friedman last night -- who I must say is one heck of a cyclist. We were talking about "good" people, and I mentioned that in college I seemed to be around so many of them. Very good friends, very kind, go out of their way for you, very awesome people. I miss that. Don't get me wrong ... I LOVE my friends here in Omaha, but sometimes I expose myself to people who aren't good for ME. They aren't bad people by any means ... just not good for me. I'm probably not making any sense because I'm being so vague, but it's like person #1 can be an awesome person FOR person #2 but not necessarily FOR person #3. Doesn't make them a bad person and for the record I'm talking in very general terms.

Our conversation just made me ponder for a bit about who we expose our lives to and why we do it. Which jumped my mind to something completely different (which is how my mind normally processes) to the idea that some people will share their whole life story to someone just for the sake of telling it but not having any meaning to it. While others might tell their story because they are secretively begging for advice, and still others because they know a friend might need to hear something about their life that may make the friend's life make more sense -- advice you might say ... or confiding.

My mind is usually all over the place. Most likely because I like to over analyze things, but that's just me. Over analyzing has kept me out of trouble for most of my life so I can't complain too much about it.

So anyway, after talking to Mike it just made me miss cycling -- mainly Penn State cycling road trips and best of all... competing in the Eastern Collegiate Cycling Conference (ECCC). It's hard to understand how the things you do now will affect you later in life, but I can definitely say the ECCC helped me in ways I still don't even realize.

It gave me a PASSION for something that made me believe in myself. Made me want to wake up each morning and strive to deliver that passion. Spring of 2004 especially gave me so much self-confidence that made my life so much better. I miss that. It's not that I can't have that now ... I just have to pick out something. I'm never gonna get back the 8 hour long road trips to Boston for a 3 race weekend or the commoradorie (sp?) from teammates that will be there for you no matter what. I guess those are the "good" people I was sort of describing before. People who you want to have around you all of the time because there's a 50/50 shared life bond between ya.

Often times I'll have the urge to really get back into cycling and get my pro license back but then I realize there are big road blocks preventing me to do so -- biggest of all is my failing hip. What a bugger that thing has been for the past 2 years!! Then there's also the dedication that takes place. It's hard to dedicate yourself to something when you feel like you need to dedicate yourself to a couple other things as well.

On that note, though, I feel like I've been getting super strong going to the YMCA's spin classes twice a week + a couple other easy trainer rides. I'm excited to see how it pays off in a couple of months. I'm pretty sure there's a cycling race around here in Nebraska at the end of April. I wanna get back to kicking butt. :) -- which would be much easier if there were some mountains around here... dang how I miss climbing!

Anyways ... that's my ramble for the day.
Hug,
Sarah

Squirrels at Penn State

2008-01-21T23:11:00.000-05:00

I think it's the little things that you miss most at times.
Even if these lil creatures threw acorns at me from the trees all throughout my life in Atherton Hall, they'll still forever make me smile. I swear they think they're human.

Squirrel on Leg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OZUQBQ75IkY&feature=related

Squirrel Loving Cheez-its
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bXByuTvlIY0&feature=related

3 more months until I get to hug a squirrel again. hehe :)

Sarah

Still on my mind... forever.

2008-01-16T00:28:00.001-05:00

Photo: Me and my Grandma fishing ... circa 1986.
I've been missing my Grandma a lot lately and thinking a lot about her. Thank goodness I have Samuel. It's just been hard thinking that I'll never have a chance to give her a hug and tell her I love her.

I haven't written in a week as I haven't had too many positive things to talk about. Well, I guess some :) but work has been crazy, my hip has been killing me, and I'm still curious as to what was/is wrong with my stomach.

Always pray,

Sarah

3am

2008-01-06T16:52:00.000-05:00

I love it how God seems to have a special way of surrounding you with people that will make you smile when you need it most. :)

Cheers to 3am visits.

New Desperate Housewives tonight... yay! ... hopefully going over to Jen's to see her and of course E.J. :)

Smiling again,
Sarah :)

Pros and Cons

2008-01-06T03:05:00.001-05:00

Things I Love about Omaha:
- my job
- my coworkers
- my awesome apartment
- living downtown
- walking to work
- getting every dvd from the library
- people watching downtown
- being 1 mile from the YMCA

Things I Don't Like about Omaha:
- all my super fun friends are engaged or married or have kids
- everyone already has their life settled
- living by myself
- 1000 miles away from all of my college friends
- i try too hard to make friends and end up screwing things up
- there are no mountains to climb on my bike
- the weekends because everyone seems to go away
- how hard it is to find people my own age since i'm not in college any more
- how i always miss people

Rough weekend.
The End.
Trying to smile...
Sarah

2008 - smiles and hernias

2008-01-04T23:55:00.000-05:00

The past week has been amazing in so many ways and so I hate it when I let one little thing creep in and let the happiness drift away. I'm a big thinker in "tomorrow is a new day" which is nice because each day I get to wake up and try to correct what went wrong or try things from a different perspective... but anyways ... can't go into detail about that one.

New Year's Eve was one of the most fun ever. I came back to Omaha and barely caught the downtown fireworks which were pretty amazing! Even though the windchill was sub-zero. :) Then I met up with Jen and some friends. We played some games which put a lot of laughing in my system. I was debating whether or not I should come back for NYE, but I'm glad I did. Then I had a surprise visitor from downtown at 3am... it was a pretty humorous time and made 2008 start off pretty well. Ha.

I had been having some stomach problems for about a week, though, and finally mustard up the nerve to go to the doctor on Thursday. I feel absolutely fine except throughout the day my pain in my left side of my abs just gets worse. The docs couldn't figure it out and I took a bunch of tests -- blood, urinalysis, etc -- to try to get a glimpse of what was going on, but all of those came out normal.

So today I had to go in for an ultrasound at the hospital so they could look at my insides. Unfortunately the person doing the ultrasound isn't authorized to tell me anything in regards to what she fines. After the ultrasound I was finally able to relieve myself --- thank goodness! (They make you drink 48oz of water and not use the bathroom for 2 hours before so all your insides are extended ... and of course my bladder has to be the size of a peanut. lol) Anyways, they make sure the pictures they took from the ultrasound get sent to the radiologist and the radiologist will send the results off to my doctor who will finally contact me with any news. A lot of people are thinking it's a hernia because I feel fine but I have a lot of pain (which comes and goes depending on when I've eaten and what I'm doing). But then again I'm in an exstrenuous amount of pain, either. However, I'm glad to say that I don't think it's anything too serious as they probably wouldn't have done something immediately about it. I'll just be happy when I have the results and can maybe put a name to what has been bugging me for over a week now.

Well, I guess it's time for some shut-eye. I had wanted to hang out with some friends tonight but half of them had plans and half I couldn't get ahold of. Oh well, at least I'll get to bed at a decent time.

Saying my prayers,
Sarah

Four

2007-12-27T22:16:00.000-05:00

Photo: Ginger guarding the presents ... and sleeping on the job. All she does is sleep. :)

I woke up this morning around 10am thinking that I'd just take the day off from working out. After 2 hours of morning tv, I headed back to bed for another hour, and then sat in the living room with my mom for a couple more hours until Ryan started recording our old family VHS tapes to cds. Some of those were pretty funny to watch. One of the tapes was entitled "The Bickerstaff Family 1954-1967" ... which featured a dog jumping on my dad when he was a few weeks old. Haha.

After basically just sitting all day I ended up going to the Wellness Center. My mom was going to do the beginner spin class so I told her I'd join her. So, I went around 3:30pm to swim 3000 yards and then lifted weights. After that it was on to the spin room with my mom. As we were finishing the class, my dad came into the room because he was doing the 6pm spin class. Somehow he convinced me to stay for a SECOND spin class -- and spin classes are never easy. After 4 workouts in 4 hours, I have to say that my body was beat. Luckily my mom had made one of my favorite dinners -- homemade hamburgers, baked beans, and waffle fries! and right now I'm extremely stuffed. I'm curious as to how my body will feel in the morning as my recent workouts have had no intensity to them like the spin class does.

Okay ... back to watching Texas defeat Arizona St.

Sarah :)

Merry Christmas!

2007-12-26T00:18:00.001-05:00

Technically I still have about half an hour until it's no longer Christmas. I hope everyone had a blessed holiday!!!

My family and I attended Christmas Eve service last night at 7pm ... it's always nice to see all the people at your home church whome you haven't seen in a year. After that the Bickerstaff tradition is to come home and open presents! We also drink wine, egg nog, and this year's snack was cheese ball! I think everyone got some really nice gifts. I know I loved all of mine!! :) I got a lot of swim stuff, a sweater and another shirt for work, a hand held vacuum, and season 3 of The Office! I had decoupaged some wine bottles for my parents that had a bunch of pictures of our family on them. I like to surprise people with stuff they wouldn't expect. I hope my parents enjoy them... I tried really hard to make the present special.

I got Ryan one of my favorite books of all time "Mere Christianity" by C.S. Lewis. I had read it right out of high school and think it's just an amazing book. It's one of those that after each page you literally have to stop and let the words soak in. My old Pastor in Alva got me hooked on his books. He had given me "The Screwtape Letters" my senior year of high school as a Christmas present and I loved it. I would highly recommend both of those books. In fact, I think I'm going to re-read them soon. I just hope Ryan takes the time to read it. It's hard to shop for him. We see each other about once a year and rarely ever talk -- except for birthdays. I really wish we had a better sibling relationship, but I don't know what else to do at times to make him realize that I'm an okay person. I feel like I've tried and tried but each time I feel like I just fail ... then someone told me once that sometimes you just have to accept another person's behavior and thoughts and realize that it might not be anything you did ... just how that person operates. So, perhaps Ryan doesn't hate me ... perhaps we just operate completely different in life and with people that it's hard for us to get along. At least that's what I have to tell myself so that I don't get sad.

On a happier note, though. I'm really thankful for all the calls, texts, messages, etc that I received today from all my friends. It's so nice to hear from everyone -- even if it's just a simple "Merry Christmas" greeting :)

Oh! and I'm really trying to make it back to Penn State for Blue and White weekend. It's sometime in mid-April and I'm hoping that a ton of my old roomies and alumni friends come back that same weekend. In fact, I probably won't be going unless ya'll come back ... so everyone will have to let me know their plans. A lot has to fall nicely into place in order for me to go --- plane ticket prices are outrageous! So, hopefully it'll all work out and I'll be able to spend a couple days in good ole Happy Valley with some amazing people. :)

Remember the reason for the season.
God Bless,
Sarah :)

Scanner

2007-12-24T00:23:00.000-05:00

I really wish my family had a scanner at home. I was looking at pictures from 1985-1988 this evening (2-5 years of age) and basically I have discovered I was a pretty awesome toddler. I should probably confirm that with my parents before I post it to the world, but I just love looking at old pictures. Things I've learned today from pictures:

1. I had no hair on my head until I was 2.
2. I went through a phase where I thought it was awesome to close one eye with my finger in pictures.
3. My corrective shoes had a black stripe.
4. I was scared of our own dog.
5. When I was 5 I was taller than our backyard tree. Now I'm 24 and the treet is about 6 times as tall as me.
6. I loved putting glue on construction paper with a q-tip and then putting packing peanuts on the glue.
7. My mom made some pretty fancy birthday cakes.
8. My brother and I had to wear EXTREMELY BRIGHT ORANGE hoodie jackets when we played outside.
9. I surprised my parents when I was 4 by riding a bike with no training wheels ... when they didn't know I could.
10. There's a picture of me looking 25% alive because I was so sick. It's actually pretty cute -- me with a blotchy, over heating puffy cheek face ... an ice pack on my head .. covered with stuffed animals (because they were the cure for everything) ... and of course a sippy cup. Being 2 and a half or being 24... being sick is the story of my life.
11. My mom liked to include the camera case in numerous photos.
12. At the age of 4 I was a space dragon for Halloween. The pictures look like I was wearing aluminum foil.
13. Even back then I acted silly in half of my pictures.
14. 80% of the furniture in my apartment came from the pictures between 1983-1987.
15. In 1987 I got a ginormous wooden house that my dad built for my little tiny doll toys. I can't think of the name of them right now... but I loved those things! That same Christmas I got my good ole stuffed animal Snoopy. It looked much fluffier and angel white 2 decades ago... it's been loved a lot since then.

And ... there's so more. Every time I come home I have to look at basically all the pictures ever taken in our family.

Home is still going okay. Basically I sleep in, workout, eat, take a nap, workout, watch tv, take pictures of my dog, and catch up with as many people as I can. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, which for my family means gift opening! And with presents comes egg nog! I gave my parents gifts they would never expect this year so I'm excited to see their reactions.

Merry Christmas Eve-Eve! :)

Sarah

Snow and wind

2007-12-22T12:15:00.000-05:00

So, I wasn't planning on leaving Omaha until this morning so I didn't bother packing Thursday night. Well, when I got back from work Friday afternoon, I realized that a blizzard was going to be rolling through NE, KS, and OK. This was around 3:30 as we all left early; however, I was sooooo very sleepy so I knew I had to take a nap before I attempted driving 450 miles. I ended up finally leaving (took me FOREVER to pack my car with all the stuff I needed to bring home) around 6:30pm. Which made for a 1:30am arrival with a bit of speeding involved. ;)

But now I'm here in good ole Alva, Oklahoma. It's snowing with 40mph wind gust. Nothing like home. :) I'll be home for a little over a week and hope to relax and stroll around my little town as much as possible. I'll probably make frequent visits to the Wellness center to workout as well... thank goodness for an indoor pool! (Though I will miss my YMCA for awhile ... love that place.)

I finally finished mailing out all my Christmas cards earlier this week and hopefully everyone will receive theirs before Christmas day. Evidently the mail service gets a little slow this time of year. But, I like to keep in touch with lots of people so hopefully everyone will enjoy their little notes ... and adorable cards this year. :)

Well, I better get to that indoor pool I was speaking of... now that my car isn't filled with snow... I must have accidently hit the window handle when I was taking all my stuff out of my car last night. Luckily my Dad saw it when he got up to run at 8am ... so he cleared off the nice layer of snow in my backseat. lol

Oh! and check out this band...
http://www.myspace.com/oxygeno2
I like.

Sarah :)

Nice

2007-12-20T00:14:00.000-05:00

I'm overly nice. I admit it. I like to make people smile. I like to make people feel special. So I try my best.
Some people only try to cheer up those that outwardly look sad. But I know others might need it as well.
I know many times I've been a mess inside but outwardly could present myself as I'm the happiest person on Earth -- partly because I giggle at everything.
I do random things for people. Send them little notes in the mail. Give random things.
Try to put a smile on my face as I pass people. But mostly I like to let people know what they mean to me.

I just finished sending out all my Christmas cards. Most of the people I send cards to are the ones I only might see once or twice a year. So when I'm pulling their name from the address book, I get a chance to sit and reflect about shared memories and how that person has helped me grow to who I am today. And so I like to tell people straight up how meaningful they are to me ... and if they are to me, then they are to the world.

Sometimes I think people think I'm crazy for being so upfront. Maybe it's because most people don't share their thoughts every day... I don't know.
It's like the old lady at Barnes and Noble who always has a million magazines or books on her table in the Starbucks Cafe ... I've never told her this, but I appreciate her presence so much. I believe she might be a bit mentally impaired, but I am greatful on the days that we are there at the same time as she reminds me of how simple life can be and how complicated we tend to make our lives.

Anyways... I just finished my cards and wonder what people feel when they receive that little note. I'll end with one of my favorite quotes of all time:

"I do honestly believe that people enter our lives for a reason. That everyone who we meet, who forms an impression, has something to teach us. Everything that happens to us is an experience, and because of that it can never be bad. An experience can only be good because it all serves to shape the person that we are, the person that we become."

And that is precisely why I'm so very greatful for so many people ... no matter how short their stint in my life might have been.

A big thanks... to everyone.
Sarah

Oh December

2007-12-17T23:11:00.000-05:00

Photo: Always in my heart.

Dear December ... you have been a tough one.

I attended my Grandma's burial and then memorial service last week in Kansas. Saddest 2 days of my life. However, I don't think I'm as much sad for her as she is no longer here as I am for all the people she had blessed throughout her life. My Grandpa gave me her wedding band that was built into a necklace. I'm going to wear it with pride. Being in her house was very hard as well ... none of her praying to wake up to, or questions about my life, or her crazy casserole dishes, or her ever so distinctive voice. As I look at her picture on my desk though, I can only be happy that she is up in heaven in perfect peace.

I finished up my Christmas present shopping this past weekend and I only have one or two more Christmas card to send out. My list isn't nearly as long as my Grandma's was (152 people! ... with hand written notes in each one!) but I must admit that I tend to go on and on in my letters and so my hand is kinda getting sore.

My eyes have opened up a bit in life lately and it's hard to take it all in. Some days I can think I have a wonderful life and other days I feel like I'm messing up somewhere. Those of you who know me well know about my struggles ... and somedays are good and some are bad. I guess all I can do is pray about it. There are so many good things in this life on Earth to let certain things get to you.

Anyway, it's been a crazy learning month for me and I guess those come around every once in a while to put us back up on our feet. Check out "Silver Lining" by Rilo Kiley. Pretty sweet song.

Trying to smile ...

Sarah

Rest in Peace Grandma... You're up in Heaven Now

2007-12-07T18:43:00.000-05:00

I miss you.

Rachel Bickerstaff

December 11, 1921 - December 7, 2007

Update

2007-12-07T13:26:00.000-05:00

Received a card from my Grandpa and Aunt Connie (who is staying with them to help my Grandpa out). My Aunt wrote "... your Grandma wanted to make sure that her Christmas cards got out. I am so glad she keeps good records. Otherwise I'd be in trouble. Now that she is in her own room she made sure the picture you drew [for her] that says "Jesus Loves You" is taped to the wall so she can see it. So between Grandpa and I we're getting her cards out. Wow she knows so many people."

Guess I just wanted to fortify the fact that my Grandma kept in touch with so many people her entire life no matter how little she saw them and no matter if they ever wrote back. I want to be like her.

I need a HUG.

2007-12-06T23:17:00.001-05:00

Picture: Christmas Break 2006. Grandma and I were practicing goofy faces for the camera.

Well, a week ago I wrote and was as happy as could be. But then life just started going downhill... I was having high hopes but my Dad called me yesterday to inform me that my Grandma only has a few days left. Below there's a post from my Thanksgiving visit with Grandma.... She was doing much better the next couple of days in ICU and got her breathing tubes out. She even got OUT of ICU. Right now she has an oxygen mask and they inserted the feeding tube again to give her some energy.

My family sent her some balloons on Tuesday and my Grandpa and Aunt said that she smiled and faintly acknowledged the gift, but that she's barely grasping their hands any more when they hold her hand. Carbon dioxide is building up in her lungs and she seems to be slowly slipping away. Today she had a slightly better report which was good to hear but it's hard to accept that when it seems it's just a matter of time. If she continues to fade my Dad will have to make the decision to pull her off life support and let her die a natural death.

I've never really had anyone close to me pass away, especially someone so holy as my Grandma. She was the type of Grandma that when I would visit I would wake up to the sound of her unforgettable voice praying aloud to God to be with her loved ones and ones she didn't know. She gave me my first Bible. When I didn't want to play pinnocle with the rest of the family she would sit and play cribbage with me. She made the best watermelon rolls which I still have yet to attempt to make. She wrote to me every single month once I left home to let me know she loved me and that I was always in her prayers. She would make me crochetted everything. Once she made me a green hat (see pic below) that evidently I wore every night for a summer waking up with a pool of sweat on my head. She seemed more connected to her extended relatives than anyone I've ever known. I gave her a penn state t-shirt my freshman year for Christmas and even though I accidently bought an XL... she still wore it when I would visit to show me she appreciated it. Every time I would visit in college she would always ask if I had a "special friend" which would make me smile because of her curiosity.

My parents stopped in Junction City to visit my dad's parents on their way up to visit me in September. I was surprised to see a sad looking dog my brother and I had named Samuel in my parents' car. It was the stuffed animal Ryan and I would always fight over. Every time I would visit in college my Grandma would always ask me what I wanted of hers (she always had this negative view of how her life seemed to becoming closer to its end that all of us would just chuckle about because she was fine and healthy). I never really wanted anything of hers ... like the china she gave me and other things like that. So I mentioned to her once, that the ONE thing that will forever remind me of her is SAMUEL. She gave Samuel to my parents in September to give to me because (in her negative view) she might not be alive to give it to me. I went down to see her and my Grandpa towards the end of October while my parents were there for my Dad's 35th high school reunion. That was the last time I saw her as a whole... as the Grandma I grew to know...

Her and I watching TV while my parents were at the reunion stuff. Her asking me about my job and me asking her stories from when she was younger. Her putting her little boombox to her ear so she could hear the football game on the radio and all of a sudden hearing "YES!!!" when her team scored. I love that memory. It truely makes me smile.

So when my Dad called yesterday I felt like I should go down there immediately so I could see her one last time. After talking to him awhile though and contemplating it I realized that I don't want that atmosphere to be my last memory of her. I did see her twice over Thanksgiving, with the first time me being a crying mess, but the 2nd time with all of us showing smiles because she looked so much better. So as much as I want to go see her, she might not even know I'm there and I don't know if I can handle that feeling. She knows I love her and that we're all praying for her. I just wonder what she's thinking right now... like if she's wanting all of us there but just can't communicate that. She doesn't have enough energy to talk, yet I know she wants to talk and I just don't want her to go. I only saw her a couple times a year but I like to think it made each visit that much more special.

I feel so sad for Grandma but then I almost feel worse for my Dad who has to make the power of attorney decision, my uncle who is unable to see his own mother, and my Grandpa who calls her "B" and has been married for 62 years to her.

She's alive right now and I am praying for a miracle, but I guess I'm writing all of this now because in a few days I might not ever feel like writing it, and I want the world to know that Rachel Bickerstaff was a pretty damn good and loving Grandma.

So, right now I just need a friend to hug. This is one of those moments when it sucks to live by yourself. A shoulder to cry on or a friendly hug is quite comforting. And right now that's all I want.

Picture: THE green hat that my Grandma made and that I would wear ALL the time.

The Title of My Blog

2007-11-30T00:50:00.001-05:00

It says "Always Smiling" ... and that's just what I did for the past 5 hours. So, I thought the world should know...

I think life just got a big tad bit better ... :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMycfdNdlKA

My life this week started off in the most unwanted way ... and ... well, as my Dad says...
YOU have to MAKE it a good day.

Smile.
Sarah

Make It a Good Day.

2007-11-28T21:45:00.001-05:00

The title says it. So does Samuel. That face is to die for. lol :)

The Past Week

2007-11-28T21:08:00.000-05:00

Picture: My Grandpa and Grandma Bickerstaff ... with Samuel :)

Well, a lot of things both good and bad have happened over the past week or so. I won't get into all of them but let's just say it's been a bumpy road and I'm glad I can pray about it...

Thanksgiving was really nice. It was great to actually be with my family for Thanksgiving in Kansas City... the first time since 2001! I wasn't able to do the Thanksgiving Day 5K that I had been training for because I was still recovering from my stress fracture, but I was able to stop wearing my walking boot! Ryan got 6th overall I think and my Dad ran a lot faster than he thought he would. Go Family Go! :) While Ryan and Dad were running, my Mom and I walked Ginger around... and accidently let her pee on someone's sweatshirt...Oops! Ginger was quite popular at the race though. She's basically the best dog ever.

My other Grandma -- my Dad's Mom -- got really sick the week of Thanksgiving and had to go to the ICU in Topeka, KS. It was really hard to see my 85 year old Grandma with a breathing tube and being so sedated. There was a bucket of stuff they were draining from her lungs -- they think she has non-infectious tuberculosis. It was sad. I cried lots the first visit but had better spirits for the 2nd. I've been praying a lot and I ask you to do the same. She's the type of Grandma who writes every month to every person in her extended family, no matter if you ever write back, because she wants you to know she loves you. A couple months ago she gave me her stuffed animal named Samuel that my brother and I used to fight over each time we visited her. I love that dog. It really means a lot to me.

It was really hard to be alone when I came back to Omaha on Saturday. Being around so many loved ones and then going back to being by yourself is quite hard. It kind of put me in a "I don't care about anything" mood. Not so good.

I started to feel sick Sunday night -- probably from the lack of sleep over Thanksgiving -- and now it has turned into the full Bickerstaffiosis (as Dr. Jeff calls it). It's my usual sore throat that turns into a nonstop runny nose that will then subside to just draining down my throat and then I'll develop a cough. I've been through this a couple times a year from since I was little so I feel like I'm quite used to it. :)

Other than that, I made a new friend this week which is great, it's Christmas season which is AMAZING!, and I'm going ice skating this weekend outside downtown.

Looking forward to getting a better life...

Sarah

Joe and Lou

2007-11-21T00:48:00.000-05:00

Spring 2004 collegiate cycling season:
Basically every weekend for 8 weeks I spent with these 2 guys and Lou's girlfriend in a car driving to cycling races all over the northeast. They had made a cd entitled "Madonna's Like a Prayer x 17" ... yes, 17 repeats. EVERYTIME I hear this song it's all I can think about.

Sometimes... they even danced...

Bar Drink Run Pizza Run

2007-11-21T00:03:00.001-05:00

Tracey just reminded me that when ever she's out in downtown State College it reminds her of me running. Because I would ALWAYS run. Everywhere. At night. It was always cold. And I would always end up at Canyon Pizza. And then run home. Sometimes I would ride my bike to the bar and run with my bike home. Probably because it wasn't safe for me to be riding my bike at that time. Always running... and LAUGHING! I always had to laugh when I ran because for some reason I would find it hilarious that I was running and everyone else was walking and that I could potentially beat them home and be warm again sooner. But I would end up stopping, cracking up laughing and trying to catch my breath, run back to my friends and then just repeat. You laughing yet? Just picture it. This is why I miss Penn State and my many friends I made there.

Jimmy Stewart

2007-11-18T18:42:00.001-05:00

I have made a goal for myself. To watch every Jimmy Stewart movie...

He's like one of my favorite actors ever. And I love his voice.

Here are some photos of him.So far I've seen:

- It's a Wonderful Life

- Rear Window

- Mr. Smith Goes to Washington

- Harvey

- The Greatest Show on Earth

Evidently the Omaha Public Library has a handful of them ... so yay!

Okay, that's it. Short post. It's my goal.

People

2007-11-17T20:44:00.001-05:00

I have 2 friends back at Penn State -- Tracey and Kelly -- who I keep in touch with quite often because somehow we all seem to lead parallel lives -- especially Kelly and I. Kelly and I became great friends last February after we shared our heartache stories that of course were happening at the same time (the whole parallelness thing). We always seemed to make our way to Barnes and Noble (hence why I LOVE that place so much ... so many memories ... both good and bad actually) to "study", which actually usually ended in us talking about life situations and how to deal with them. Awesome friend she is.

Photo: Kelly and I.

Photo: Tracey and I at a "P is for Party Party" i.e. dress up as something that starts with a P (hence me being a penguin and tracey in pajamas).

Well, both of these women have some pretty amazing and enlightening words. I was corresponding with Tracey last weekend about how I hate how people leave our lives when we don't want them to and we have no control over it. She then told me this quote (which actually comes from some poem, but it's still good and made me think):

"People come into our lives for a season, a reason, or a lifetime."

So this really got me thinking and helped to ease my mind of those I may never talk to again. I'm sure whoever is reading this can put people they have met in life in each of these categories.

For me there are people like some past roommates who I probably won't keep in touch with much, but taught me valuable lessons of how to deal with uncooperative people. Or someone in a semester class that always had something interesting and new to say and taught you little bits of information that made you think, but more than likely I'll never see or talk to that person again. Those are the reason people.

I think the reason and season people go kinda together. I have an ex-bf that was in my life for a "season" and 6 months post-ending the relationship (on my accord) he decided that me in his life was over. Of course, I have a problem with this as I never like it when people leave my life. But I can think of it as he was in my life for a set amount of time to teach me a set amount of things and that was his sole purpose for me. Being in contact now would probably do us both no good at all ... so I guess that's where contact ends ... when your need for each other ends for both people. I also had a person come into my life this past spring... just somewhat of a friend who I met in a class. After my above said "heartache" I needed to be around a completely new set of people and this person provided that. Over time I'm sure our contact will fade, but I'm the type of person who will feel forever indebt and forever thankful for this type of person because they came in just when I needed them -- without them even knowing how they were helping me.

And then there are the lifetime people ... like Tracey and Kelly. They are in my life for many seasons and for many reasons but there's also a bond there that will keep them in my life forever. These are the people I treasure the most. You are constantly learning from them and can always depend on them to be there for you ... no matter how far the distance. Like my best buddy from college -- Jeff --- who I've known since the 2nd week of my freshman year of college. He was always there for me at Penn State and even after he graduated he still let me come home to his family for Thanksgiving in Baltimore when I couldn't be with mine. I know I can call good ole Dr. Jeff up for anything (and usually medicial stuff ... cause he will be a doctor eventually ;) ). I like to think I'm just giving him extra practice with all of my injuries and illnesses. So I'm extra thankful for the lifetime people. I know they'll never leave, and even if we are out of contact for awhile, I know in time we'll be back in contact like no time had ever past.

I love these people. :)

So to the reason, season, and especially the lifetime people... thanks for being in my life -- no matter how you affected it ... you were in it for a purpose. And for that, I can only treasure you.

Chocolate and Bananas

2007-11-17T20:35:00.000-05:00

I have an addiction to slim fast chocolate shakes. They are delicious. You mix it with milk and ice and you have one heck of a healthy treat! Sometimes I even put in a banana and get even MORE healthiness going on. I also like rum on occasion. So last night I didn't have anything to mix my rum in ... and then I thought, "If I can put bananas in my slim fast shakes, then why can't I replace the bananas with Banana Rum?"

So I did. About 2-3 shots of rum + filling the rest of the 8 ounces with milk + about half a scoop of shake mix + 2 handfuls of ice = AWESOME.

End of Rum Banana Slim Fast story.

The Weekend

2007-11-11T22:31:00.000-05:00

My weekend wasn't very eventful ... productive, but not eventful. I like to get lots of stuff done on the weekends which I've been pretty good at lately. I pay all my bills, clean, swim, go to church, watch football, sleep in, and basically organize everything that became unorganized over the week. Yeah, real world is cool like that. This weekend I spent lots of time at my second home -- Barnes and Noble -- LOVE that place! Saturday I got a Peppermint Mocha around 4pm before church, and I was completely wired until about 1am. It had 2 espressos mixed in it... not such a good idea. I had really wanted to go out and do something Saturday because I had so much caffeinated energy but everyone seemed to be out of town or busy. Bummer.

I've decided that weekends are a bit weird in the real world when you're living by yourself. You have to make your own structure to the day and make a huge effort to socialize with the rest of society. I was wondering this weekend how my other friends are handling it after graduation... then I realized that I'm kinda singled out when it comes to my situation. That is, all my friends went to grad school, or living with their parents while working, or followed their significant other, or live so close back to Penn State that they have mini reunions with their college friends a couple times a month. As for me, I seem to be on a completely different road. Moved to a place where I didn't know a single person, living by myself, home is 450 miles away, penn state is 1000 miles away, and I'm not constantly surrounded by 40,000 other people my age. I'm surrounded by engaged friends and women who are married with children. I love these people, of course, but when it comes to finding someone in your same situation... that's where life becomes hard. I really do like Omaha, though... I think it just takes a little longer to adjust to a life where you feel like you're by yourself. Life isn't as much handed to me now ... I have to create it.

But anyways, this weekend was one of those when I wish I had a roommate. Nothing too much to look forward to this week ... I'm hoping for lots of good stories from work though. There's always something crazy going on there.

Smile at the next person you see -- no matter who they are. You just might make a person's day.

Fun Day at ConAgra

2007-11-09T18:01:00.000-05:00

Photo: Atul giving his acceptance speech in front of the turkey plastered door of Al Bolles.

Photo: Al presenting the turkey to Atul. (Notice the turkey in Al's hand.)

Once a month the Refrigerated Group (egg beaters, reddi-wip, snack pack pudding, swiss miss pudding, and swiss miss cocoa) has a Fun Day. Jen and I are in charge of organizing each month's fun day and this month's was awesome. Well, as awesome as it can get for a Fun Day with coworkers ...some of which we are FORCED to have fun with.

So Jen and I collaborated on some ideas and settled on eating pizza from Zio's, playing Cranium (teams of which Jen and I cleverly picked. haha), and making turkeys! Originally, we were to make turkeys out of our hands and feet (see example). For the people not from the U.S.A., who may not have made one of these in grade school, I quickly made one as an example because at the beginning of the Fun Day Jen and I had to run to go get the pizza. So, we left the group with the instructions and left them all of the supplies. To our surprise, when we came back everyone had pretty much made their own spin on the craft. My fav was David's turkey feathers made of circles which ended up looking like the turkey had a bunch of balloons onto it and was floating away -- he called it "abstract art". Jen's was also pretty awesome and had a country kick to it. :)

We then announced that there would be a special award (homemade turkey craft by Jen made from aluminum foil, packing peanuts, toothpicks, and reddi-wip caps) ... and inspired by The Office. After everyone was nearly finished we then informed the group that the Official Judge would be Al Bolles (Executive VP of RQI who reports directly to the CEO of ConAgra). Al wasn't aware he was going to be judging the turkeys, but we talked to his administrative assistant (Karen) and she said we had about 10 minutes to hang all the turkeys on the door before Al came back from a meeting. We watched him walk into his office without even noticing all of the turkeys on his door (haha). He then came out once he looked up from his desk. We then informed him that we would NOT be taking down the turkeys until he chose the winner. He picked Atul's turkey so Jen and I quickly decided that Al should officially present the homemade turkey prize to Atul in front of the group. So, we gathered everyone up, into Al Bolles' office and had the presentation.

Okay, so after writing all of this out, it doesn't seem like all that great of a story, but I guess you had to be there and being in charge of all of the craziness was quite the accomplishment. haha. I guess it also helps to understand the type of personality of the people in our group... and the hilariousness of trying to play board games with them. haha. Anyways, the pictures above give a glimpse of the fun.

Enjoy ... it's the weekend!

Flu Shots with the CEO of ConAgra

2007-11-07T21:19:00.000-05:00

We didn't have too many comments on Mr. P.C. today, but Kerstin (see previous post) did dress rather nicely with a skirt and high boots for Hump Day. Haha. Jen and I got lost going to Corporate storage for my shelf life testing of some pudding. We missed the turn and ended up in the worst part of town. When I started noticing street signs that I had hear on the local news, I knew we should probably find the road we needed to be on.

Today I was also in charge of arranging our monthly Fun Day, which happens to be this Friday. It more or less becomes "forced fun day" as it's hard to have your regular type of fun (the fun we have each day in the lab) when people who aren't so much fun are also celebrating "fun day" with you. But for this Friday for 2 hours at work, we're playing Cranium, eating pizza, and making hand/foot turkeys out of construction paper. Yeah, ConAgra's Dairy group is cool like that. I'm excited that I actually get paid for making turkeys and playing games. Cool job, eh?

The past three weeks I've been pretty good at waking up and swimming at the Y before work. In order to do this, though, I basically need to be asleep around 1opm and that just hasn't been happening this week. Otherwise I'll probably just get sick from a lack of sleep, so this week I've been going straight to the pool after work. Today there was a college lady getting into the pool who wasn't very nice to me ... she also jumped into the lane that I was JUST about to put my stuff down in. Argh! But, I don't like that lane anyway (yes, I do have a favorite lane even though it's all in the same water), so I brushed it off my shoulder pretty quickly. I did descending sets today -- 500, 400, 300, 300, 100 in 7:32, 6:00, 4:25, 2:55, and 1:24 ...all with 30sec inbetween. For only my 4th week of swimming I was pleased with those times AND I swam the furthest this season (3400 yards :)).

My arm still hurts from my flu shot yesterday. Everyone with insurance at ConAgra gets a free flu shot, and out of the 1500 people who work downtown, I just happened to be getting my shot at the same time as Gary Rodkin -- aka CEO of ConAgra. We're close buddies now. First a pool party at the COO's house and now flu shots with the CEO. I'm moving up rather quickly. HAHA

I was bummed that the CMT awards were on tonight ... took away my fav Wednesday night shows. Haha. Tomorrow should be a fun evening -- typical Thursday evening with Jen watching The Office. Best show ever, no doubt.

On a completely different note, I read an article today about some school taking away the game "Tag" from schools because kids could get hurt playing. Geezums!!! No wonder the little kids these days are obese. They are taught that the only safe place is sitting on a chair doing nothing. Well, I'm full proof that you can get hurt doing absolutely anything. I've never been hurt playing tag, but I'm pretty good at smashing my fingers in my guitar case and falling going upstairs at work ... anyways, I just thought that was crazy.

Smile like you mean it. :)

Wheatfields and humping

2007-11-06T19:46:00.000-05:00

Today = good day at work. Well, it was a better than usual day with lots of laughs ... mostly inspired by Jen and myself. Five of us ladies went to this bakery and eatery called Wheatfields down in Papillion for lunch. Evidently it was nearly a 30 minute drive just to get there, so it was an extra long lunch. The food was super yummy though and on Tuesdays they have loaves of bread for ONE DOLLAR!!! The bread is amazing so it was quite the deal. Not sure if it's just an Omaha thing but I'd definitely check it out... their Swiss Salad is especially delightful.

Other humorous moments included David (our guy from Tanzania that makes Egg Beaters) describing how wonderful he is and how great "his people" are. He also likes to make up stories and try to confuse Jen and I, but we make up our own stories about him so it makes for one great big fun story... "The David Kirunda Story."

We also have this giant PINK blow up Crab at work... it arrived one day back in the spring before Jen or myself were working there. Something about how for a "fun day" they decorated the lab in sea stuff. Anyway, somehow the crab and this blow up fish have survived. I decided to steal the crab from the main lab workbench to the top of my cube so that everyone could see this giant pink thing. Of course ... Jen has even a better idea and decides that we should have the crab holding a sign saying something different each day. Because most of the people are gone by 4:30pm we decided to go ahead and make our first sign -- "Happy Hump Day, November 7, 2007". Not very original ... however, we have already discovered from the last few minutes of work that people from Tanzania (David) and another coworker Kerstin (from Germany) don't know what "hump day" stands for but have a pretty good understanding of the word "humping". Therefore, we are looking forward to what the people from countries other than the U.S.A. think of our signs. Kerstin already informed us that she was going to put her kids in a room watching a movie and tell her husband about this official "hump" day.

Ahh... good times at ConAgra. I'll get a picture of the crab tomorrow. We've named him Mr. P.C. (for pink crab of course).

On another note... I continue to somehow make geriatric friends. Today it was some 70 year old guy at the YMCA pool in an American flag speedo. He wanted to know if I breathe out of both sides when I swim. Then he told me he wasn't too good at it, but that his daughter could. I should get him in touch with my Barnes and Noble geriatric friends. I think they'd have a good time

Smile :)

My life stopped for a moment, so did my blog

2007-11-04T16:08:00.000-05:00

Photos 1st, writing 2nd.

Photo: Me and some of my coworkers on Halloween.

Photo: ConAgra takes its employees on a "boat cruise" ... therefore I sit on the pelican since we have the same footwear

Photo: Jen and I after the Monster Dash 5K ... the last time I was able to run.

Photo: Me with my 1st place award! Spooky!

Photo: The Rowes at Soma ... the condos across the street from me.

Photo: Changed up the living room set-up a little bit.

Photo: My walking boot that I have to wear until who knows when.

Photo: Omaha neighborhood in the fall.

Question: What do you do when you don't have anything exciting happening in your life?

Answer: You don't update your blog.

Actually, there are many happenings and stories I could tell over the past 3 months since I've written but they'll all fall into place eventually. To sum things up in 4 categories:

Work:

I'm still in Omaha and working as a food scientist at ConAgra. More specifically I formulate Snack Pack and Swiss Miss pudding and other secret projects that I can't tell you about. I LOVE the people I work with, i.e. the people in my lab. As for working in the corporate world... I'd like to know what those higher up people are thinking when they hire our managers and directors. Perhaps it's all in one big plan that they have for ConAgra ... but to put it bluntly it's VERY hard to manage your own manager and to collaborate when that person knows very little about the company. Though I must say 80% of our humor comes from that very fact.

Sports:

After 2 months of doing nothing (literally nothing), I was finally able to start working out slowly again from my broken rib during mid-July. Still to this day there's something wrong with it. I can't lift my upper body up on my right side, but at least I can move faster than a snail without dying of pain from my lungs trying to breathe. Late August I decided to train for a Thanksgiving day 5K. I ran a 10K in 45:22 about a month after I started training so I was getting stoked for running a personal best in my 5K 2 months later. Unfortunately, about a week or so ago I came down with a stress fracture. I definitely wasn't over training ...unless you say 15 miles a week running is overtraining, so I actually think it's a combo of doing some speed work along with pushing off the wall swimming. The fracture is in my 2nd metatarsal so I've been walking around in my giant boot to help the healing process go faster. Luckily though I'm still able to swim! Yay! So, I've been swimming almost 2 miles 5-6 times a week. I hate the chlorine as it leaves ya all itchy afterwards but it feels great to be swimming laps again.

Family:

I've been able to see my parents more often now that I only live 450 miles away instead of 1300 miles. I drove down for a quick weekend trip back in August, they came up in September for ConAgra's company zoo picnic, saw them again at my Grandma/pa's house in Junction City, KS about two weeks ago and then I'll be seeing them for both Thanksgiving and Christmas! Still haven't seen my brother since Christmas ... but Ryan hates me anyway and is the most belittling person I know, so that's not such a big deal. I actually really wish we had a better relationship -- like so many of my friends have with their siblings -- but I've tried for years and he refuses to grow up. His loss.

Misc.:

I've finally been able to go out again on the weekend thanks to Fargo and Greg getting me in touch in Greg's old college roomie, Eric ... kudos to you two! Eric is super fun and I've been able to see more of Omaha and hang out with a lot of different people, so yay for that! I've also found that I've become obsessed with Slim Fast milkshakes with a banana. So incredibly good! Other food items of choice at the moment are cucumbers and Roma tomatoes in fat free balsamic vinaigrette. I have that at least 3-4 times a week. Oh, and Barnes and Noble is still my 2nd home. :)

Okay, that wraps up my life thus far. I've included some photos. Enjoy!

Working at ConAgra

2007-07-07T15:07:00.000-04:00

My Job.

It's been 4 weeks at my new job as a food scientist on ConAgra foods... here in Omaha, NE. The people I work with seem pretty cool. We got a new research technician named Jen who is my age... which is excellent because she's cool...like myself. ha There's been this huge reorganization in the department (Research, Quality, and Innovation) so things have been a bit crazy. I had a pretty cool boss, and now I'm getting a new boss, who doesn't start for like another 2 weeks. So, work has kinda sucked because I'm just hanging there... wondering what the heck I'm supposed to be doing. I don't really have an tasks to complete, besides all the corporate mumbo jumbo like getting company credit cards and figuring out how to travel expense reports by reading 200 pages... I guess this is what I get for working for a huge company. ha. Hopefully things will speed up a little bit soon. I'm sure in a couple months I'll be wishing I had nothing to do at work. Out of the 9 hours at work each day, I literally think I do about 3 hours of productivity. Definitely wish I could just come home for the rest of the 6. ha

I did have a super long week last week. We had pudding plant trials up in Menomonie, Wisconsin. I love saying the name of the town. Basically this is the plant that makes a lot of the Snack Packs and Swiss Miss puddings. We fly into Minneapolis and then drive an hour or so into Wisconsin... it was a pretty drive. Anyway...

So here's the thing about my job. Well, first of all it's 20-25% travel... So marketing tells food scientists (me) "this is what consumers want, now make it". So we have to try to figure out how to make it and make it taste good. We do a bunch of "bench top" work... think making food on a giant counter. We kinda mock up the process that they would do in a plant. After the prototype gets approved, it's time for a "plant trial." Plant trials are to see if the product will actually work on the thousands of feet of equipment used to make your product. So the product we were running last week is a new one and actually the 8th plant trial... this one was just to see how the density holds up throughout elapsed time in the surge tank (where the product gets held before it gets moved to the fillers -- the pipes that put the pudding in the cups!)

So anyways... the Wednesday trial wasn't too bad as i worked from 7am-8:30pm. But the Thursday trial we reported at 10am and didnt' get done til 2am. the plant runs 24/7 and things always go wrong... like one time we lost sterility in the machine that puts the pudding lids on, and that's no good cuz that's how you get bugs in....but, it takes 2 hours to clean out the system and get it up and running again...so there were a lot of systems and machines messing up. We had to weigh 3000 pudding cups... my thumbs hurt so bad from ripping off those lids... but hey, it's all part of the job.

On a super happy note though... the CEO announced wednesday that if you work under 10 years at Conagra you get 3 weeks vacation (mine had only been 2 weeks)..... so YIPPIE Skippie!!!! We can then also get a week of unpaid vacation. Definitely brightened up that week at the plant trial.

Okie doke... more to come... the rib is healing and I'm getting ready to test out my lungs on my bicycle.

Smile :)

It's been forever

2007-06-24T22:50:00.000-04:00

Photo: My new home... Omaha!

Photo: My fav bass player of all time... headwhacker... aka Brad.

Photo: Kate, Lauren, and me at the Skeller

Photo: My mad face that someone stole me and Lauren's bikes. We wore post-it notes that said "stolen bike bar tour" out to the bars. Haha

Photo: Quite the special moment at Cafe 210

Photo: Me and Brad...gotta love it. :)

Photo: Ventola and me at the Saloon with our Monkey boys... quite the memorable night.

Photo: Kelly, me and Melissa at Cafe 210... so many good memories

Photo: Climbing a tree on Mount Nittany.

Photo: Me and my parents at the Lion Shrine on my graduation day.

Yes yes and yes. It's been forever since I've posted... forever and a day. Lots of good times and some super sad goodbyes have taken place since early May. To give a super quick wrap up...

There was senior week where I had terrible allergies following me, but of course I still went out. That's when everything started to hit me that I was graduating. Senior week was awesome, though, because I literally saw sooooo many of my friends that week. More often than not I saw about 5 people each night from my ballroom dancing class... loved that class and loved the people. Many memories there. Oh, and my $5,000 bicycle got stolen out of my apartment... but let's not go into that one...

Then there was graduation... Somehow I survived two graduation ceremonies (Schreyer's Honor college medal ceremony and then my two diplomas) without blowing my nose... it's a mystery how that happened. My parents came up and we took some funny pictures, hiked mount nittany, drove the Black Mo bicycle ride, rode with my Dad up Allegheny street in Bellefonte and then Upper Lime, also took my Dad up Pine Grove Mills as we got caught in a rain storm and saw a beautiful rainbow. Those two bike rides really got me itching to start riding my bicycle again. My parents and I ate a ton of Creamery ice cream and I got some awesome graduation/birthday gifts. And it marked the departure of all my roommates.

I had about 2 weeks of nothing but relaxation. I hung out with my best friend Kelly for the majority of the time. I started swimming everyday at the outdoor pool. That was the best feeling ever as it had been 2 years since I had really been able to swim laps outside... amazing feeling. I'd swim around noon, take a nap and then ride my bicycle late in the afternoon. I went on some hikes and just chilled around downtown every night.

About a week before I left I went running on the 6 mile Mount Nittany trail loop and about half way through I managed to trip, take a hard landing on my side, and broke my 6th rib...most painful thing ever. It's been almost a month and it still hurts to take deep breaths. For the first two weeks after the incident, I couldn't even breathe normally because of the pain and was constantly short of breath. Even worse was trying to sleep at night as anything that would touch my back or stomach (like laying down) would affect my rib. I still have to roll out of bed. haha

I also had the most amazing nights watching Mr. Hand and The Mustache Ride at the bars... Brewery, Skeller, and the Saloon. Those were some amazing lasting memories of Penn State. Definitely miss headwhacker and his sidekick, and of course all the groupies!

I have a plane ticket back to Penn State for a 4 and a half day stay over Labor Day... that trip can't come soon enough. I miss my best friend and I miss my favorite moments with the band.

Oh, and yes, I have to buy a plane ticket because I'm now residing in Omaha, Nebraska. So far so good, but I sure do miss my friends. It's hard to move to a place where you know absolutely nobody... it can get quite lonely... but I'm slowly making some friends... nothing can replace penn state though! :) But... more on Omaha another day...

I posted some pics up above... which you already know, but they are just some moments from the past month.

smile :)

KA frat formal

2007-05-06T18:34:00.000-04:00

Photo: All the awesome people in our limo... and the lion shrine. :)

Photo: Super cute right outside the frat.

Photo: The look out point of State College... and 3 fanta girls. ha

Photo: James, Tony, Scott, and TJ ... silly boys.

Photo: The limo and the the stadium.

Photo: Super fun time in the limo.

Photo: We like to dance and we were very pastel-y

This past Friday was one of the best night's of the year. My friend Tony from ballroom class asked me on Wednesday... and i thought about it for like 5 minutes... and then he convinced me to go by persuading me with a red rose. I mean... it's not like he's an awesome dancer or anything.... j/k ;)

The night started out with 10 of us in a stretch limo with lots of champaigne and awesome tunes. We went everywhere taking pictures all dressed up. Instantly I felt like I had known these people my whole life... they were all sooo much fun!

We had an awesome dinner too and Tony got an award... yay Tony! Then the dancing began... freakin amazing time. Tony's brother was the DJ and did an amazing job of it. Did i mention tony's an awesome dancer? ha. His friend Brehm is in the ballroom dancing team so we challenged him on the dance floor... Brehm tried to spin me once and catch me... but failed... and my face found the floor. It was actually pretty humorous. Just one of the crazy things that night.

I can't even express how much fun it was ... I just love being around outgoing super fun people and all those guys were definitely that. See pictures above for some moments. :)

Definitely wish it could all happen again. Smile! :)

The past few weeks in a wrap

2007-05-05T20:16:00.000-04:00

Photo: Me and Jen at the Gaff on blue and white weekend... i got a lot of sun that weekend. I miss you girls sooo much!!

Photo: Me and Jeff at his med school formal... don't best buddies look cute? :)

Photo: One of the reasons I don't know why I'm leaving the northeast. This is on my drive back from Baltimore

Photo: Dancing Mark Z and I ... he's definitely in the top 3 for the best dancers in class. lol

Photo: Lauren, Katie, Me, and Aly at 210 before the prom. :)

Sooooo much has gone on since the last post.

Too much to write to catch back up. So, I'll wrap it up quickly.

Blue and White weekend April 21st... AMAZING!!

Perri and Jen and a last minute Andrea (all my old roomies!) came up to visit!! It was the first awesome weather weekend of the whole semester which made the town crazy! It was sooo great to see them again! I miss having an awesome group of girls to hang out with!

After Blue and White weekend it was hardcore thesis-ing. I basically didn't do any school work except for my thesis from spring break onward. On April 30th at 3:30pm, I finally turned it in and that put a huge weight off my shoulders. Feels soooo good to be done with that and I basically don't want to hear anything about oats for a very long time.

April 27th was our Ballroom dancing prom... that was sooo much fun to be able to dance with everyone. Half the class went out to Cafe 210 before the prom which made the prom rather interesting... "true story" as Ventola would say. haha ;)

The next day was my friend Jeff's med school formal so I drove to Baltimore to be his date! It's always nice to see my best buddy from freshman year. It was a super quick trip as I had to get back to finish a 300 page book and make last minute revisions on my thesis. The weather was gorgeous!!! (see above) and it made me really wonder why the heck I'm moving to Omaha... damn I'm gonna miss this place.

And now... I'm done with college. I turned in my last final (which was just a 5 page essay) yesterday morning. It was kind of bittersweet going to my last class and turning in my last assignment. Penn State is so much more fun when you don't have any schoolwork to worry about.

I finally found an apartment in Omaha as well! I was going to share an apartment but it fell through so now I have my own place. www.oldmarketlofts.com It's way more expensive to live by yourself but it's going to be amazing to decorate my own place. I'm super excited for that but it's getting harder and harder to think about Omaha when I'm having so much fun here...

Okay, now look at the pictures above for a run down of what all I just talked about. lol

The Clamp

2007-04-17T00:06:00.000-04:00

So, the other week I went to the gym with my friend Justin. He taught me this lifting thingy called like a butterfly or a fly or ... I don't know. But, I personally named it "the clamp" because it looked like I was clamping something together. I offered to officially rename it "the prince" because that's Justin's actual name, but he declined, saying he would only be referred to as "the symbol"... so long story short, that should shorter than it already is... it's now named "the clamp."

Anyways.... the point of this post is that I've been doing the clamp a lot lately. Yesterday I managed to lift with no post-day soreness. Which means ... I'm super strong now and can move up 2.5lbs. :) My strength will help me when I want to beat up people. In order to beat up people I thought I would first purchase this scooby doo punch bag. I think it's a good start.
After I get really good at that, I plan on teaming up with McGruff the crime dog and help take a bite out of crime.

Oh, did I mention that I'm NOT procrastinating editing my thesis??

Tummy loves me!

2007-04-15T22:18:00.000-04:00

Today marks the day that I no longer have to eat Jell-o and drink super diluted Gatorade for my diet. I have become rather fond of Jell-o though... it's rather tastey... and being a food scientist, I actully understand how it forms into gelatin and why you need both warm and cold water to make it ... did I ever mention I love my major? lol

My tummy seems to be liking me again and I even celebrated by eating at the Pita Pit for dinner!
I love Jell-o.

I made more Jell-o this evening.

A mixture of melon flavors.

Tonight I had grape Jell-o. It's good too.

I worked on my thesis a TON this weekend. I printed it all off today... though I'm not done with it. It will be consuming my life this entire week. I'm meeting with my thesis advisor every day and hopefully he'll approve of it by the end of the week so I can hand it off to my honor's advisor early next week so that he can approve it. Monday, April 30th it's due at 5pm! I'll get it done. It'll feel so GREAT!

I will end now with a poem about Jell-O.

JELL-O

The jell-o that i eat-o

is so refreshing in my tummy-o

when my intestines hated me-o

you were my only friend-o

i love jell-o

and now i post a picture

Thesis Saturday

2007-04-14T16:09:00.000-04:00

Today is Saturday. I've been working on my thesis all day. Just the introduction, but I'm almost done with it. I basically have one or two paragraphs to go before my intro can hit the printer but I thought I'd post and then take a quick nap first.

I'm still sick... though not as bad which is excellent. My stomach still kills me with aches and pains but still I'm improving. Total weight loss is around 7 pounds. Not such a good thing for me at all. My body is just wasted with no energy and therefore I'm also lightheaded all the time. Luckily I have learned that my intestines can handle .... JELLO!!!! yummy stuff!!!

When I went to Wegman's last night to buy some Jello, I decided to buy a lottery ticket out of the machine. Usually, I only buy the $1 tickets but I figured I hadn't been eating anything all week anyway so I've saved some money and I deserved a $2 ticket. So, I put my $2 in the machine and realized there had already been $10 credit on the machine so I got a couple more tickets for free! I only ended up winning a total of $6, but it was still nice to have some free scratch offs.

Oh, and I think I've narrowed down my apartment choices in Omaha to The Greenhouse Apartments or Orpheum Towers ... lots of decisions to be made still! The Greenhouse apts are right across the street from ConAgra and on the riverfront! In the picture above it's the red tall building and just to the right is the ConAgra campus. But, for a lil cheaper price I could live a half mile away in the 16-story Orpheum Towers which is directly above the Orpheum Theater. I'll decide soon enough!

NCAA Men's Gynmastics meet tonight at Rec Hall with Kelly!! ... I'm excited.

4th month = 4th illness

2007-04-10T22:21:00.000-04:00

I am sick ... again. I'm not surprised, but I really don't know how I get sick so often. I had a really relaxing weekend in which basically all I did was sleep and work on my thesis. You would think for someone who eats well, exercises daily, and gets plenty of sleep would not get sick, right?

Well, my immune system hates me. It's always been bad. I had the worst ear infections when I was a kid and I just happened to be allergic to everything... seriously, every food could potentially make me sick. I was allergic to milk so for 9 years I didn't have pizza or chocolate or ice cream. I was also slightly allergic to eggs, apples, oranges, wheat, mold, dust, etc. I had non-dairy dairy creamer as a milk subsitute for cereal, and for school birthdays, my mom always gave the teachers sugar candy to give to me because I couldn't have the chocolate and cake.

So that was the start of it all. I've always gotten bad sinus/lung infections because of my asthma, but seriously, this semester has been insane! In January I came down with something weird in Oklahoma where I lost my voice and hurt my throat. February I didn't eat for a whole week because my stomach would tighten up every time I did and not absorb anything and ... well, you know what happens after that. Beginning of March I came down with a super bad case of bronchitis. I was in bed for 3 days straight with a 104 degree temperature. Bronchitis coughs take forever to get rid of!! -- mine took 4-5 weeks.

Which brings us to April... the 4th month = the 4th illness. I won't go into details of my current illness, but I ended up spending 3 hours with I.V.'s in my arm today and I haven't been able to eat anything for about 2 days. Which means my body is completely drained. I have no energy... yet still I keep losing fluids. Which makes life suck at the moment. But hey, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off, right?

I'm spending my days in bed, being a bum, watching a lot of tv, sleeping a lot, trying to do a little work...but school is almost over so there's not much to do. I guess I should be thankful that I'm currently not in the hospital over night but evidently if I'm not better by tomorrow evening I have to go back.

However, life isn't all that bad. I do have a job. I'm apartment hunting and should be getting a pretty sweet loft in downtown Omaha bythe river. I get to see my parents twice... TWICE! in May which is usually the number of times I see them in a year. I've made some super fun new friends this year and some of my bestest friends have come up to visit. :) Guess ya always gotta try to look on the brightside of things.

Oh, and does anybody know that song that goes "chicken noodle soup, chicken noodle soup, chicken noodle soup with a soda on the side"? It's a rap song I heard on the radio last week... hilarious! :)

What are you?

2007-03-31T23:10:00.000-04:00

I had this revelation today while riding. Perhaps the idea has always been stuck in my mind but I decided to finally think it through. It’s about how people try to live up to what others think of them. I guess it happens to everyone.

For instance, I always get introduced to people by my friends as “this is sarah, she rides her bike a lot, works out a lot… yadda yadda yadda.” It’s always been that … ‘crazy athletic sarah” … so a part of me feels as if I have to live up to that because that’s what people think of me. When I did my first cycling race my freshman year I ended up winning the uphill time trial … from that moment on I was coined “a climber.” Immediately I had confidence that I could excel on any hilly course because people had faith in me that I could do it… which trickled on down to me believing in myself. However, climbers and sprinters don’t go hand and hand. More than likely, you’re one or the other. So, along with me being coined a “climber” I was also intuitively coined a “non-sprinter.” I still have trouble overcoming that one…every race weekend I believe I can do well in a road race but I hope just to be in the finishing sprint for the crit… with not much belief that I’ll ever be fast enough to win it. Amazing what one sentence 4 years ago can do to ya.

I find it just weird that sometimes you don’t believe in yourself until someone you trust reaffirms your idea. My senior year of high school was the first time a guy I liked actually told me I was pretty. My entire childhood I just thought that all boys thought I was ugly, until this one guy told me that one sentence. From that point on, I began having a little more self-esteem. I guess it’s just a shame that we feel like someone has to confirm things for us to believe them.

Same goes with personality. Basically everyone who meets me realizes in a quick second that I laugh at everything. I am pretty easily amused. Sometimes I’m not even happy and I’ll laugh just because people expect it from me. Yes, you might think that’s stupid. However, it also prevents people from asking you if you’re okay or if something is wrong. The moment one of my friends sees me not laughing and smiling, they immediately think something terrible is going on. But hey, I’m human and have bad days just like anybody else. It just sucks sometimes to feel as if I have to be all laughing and smiling in order for people to think I’m okay. But with all that said, I am actually a pretty happy person.

I guess I just wish human nature would exist without people feeling as if they have to live up (whether it be good or bad) to what other people think of them. Maybe, it’s just me… but I seem to constantly notice it in other people as well. I think sometimes we just aren’t fully aware of why we act the way we are. It’s the power of words.

When I meet someone I try to give them a clean slate, whether I’ve heard good or bad of them. It doesn’t always workout well, but I believe I should try to let them prove it to me instead of taking what other people say as truth. Everyone deserves a chance to prove people wrong. There are actually people out there whom I’ve met who think I’m a completely quiet or shy person (just because of the day that they met me) … if that notion of me went around the world, people would end up thinking I was drugged every time I’m acting incredibly silly and laughing at everything. There are many people whom I’ve met that have proved me wrong from opinions spoken of these people beforehand. I guess everyone views someone differently.

Anyway… I guess my advice is to just be cautious of what you say. You can change someone to be better or worse… all depends on how that person operates inside.

So what are you? Are you going to be what everyone has always thought you to be? Or are you going to be who you truly think you are?

Bucknell race weekend!

2007-03-30T17:32:00.002-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s3LbjKQTVsA

It's been awhile since I've posted but I've been so busy! Good busy ... with lots of good stuff to do.

So, last weekend was my first REAL collegiate cycling race in 2 years!! I did race at Philly over spring break but I was still dying of bronchitis during that race so I'm not counting that one. Here's a recap:

Road Race: 45 miles, 2hour 15minutes, average heart rate = 173 ... yeah... my heart rate was at 87% of its maximum for over 2 hours ... indeed it was a hard race.

We had five laps of a rolling course with 2 moderate short climbs. At the end of the 2nd lap Princeton (Rachel) got off the front, I caught up to her, and we worked together for about 10 minutes until UNH (Susannah) and Lehigh (Andrea) caught up with us. We had a good group of 4 hard workers and we were making more and more time on the pack. At the end of the 3rd lap, 4 other girls caugh up with us ... including my teammate Erica Allar! (yay!) :) They were DRILLING it!!! 8 women pacelining like we were in a national team time trial ... hence my incredibly high heart rate. In the middle of the last lap, Erica and Kim Geist (LaSalle) broke away and it was only me, Susannah, and Cailtin (MIT) left. We worked together for the rest of the lap and then got stretched out toward the end... and I ended up 4th!! It was a really exciting and exhausting race to be in, but it gave me my itching to race again.

Criterium:
This course was crazy!!! 0.87 mile loop with 8 turns each lap ... 50 minutes ... lots of sprinting and attacking!

At the beginning of the race I led the pack at a good pace because I wanted to get a good feel for all the corners. By the end of the 1st lap, though, I had a little gap on the field. Williams (Katie) caught up to me and we worked hard together for 5 laps ... she is QUITE the time trialist. With 15 laps to go 4 other girls ... including Erica again!! ... caught up to us and all of us pacelined it for the rest of the race. The motorcycle lead vehicle basically knocked Susannah off her bike once but she hopped right back into the race. Williams kept attacking and I would chase her down because I knew Erica has a kickass sprint and she needed to be up there for the final sprint. I got a lot of prime (intermediate sprints throughout the race) points which helped my race standings a bit... It's always nice to get some of those, especially because I never consider myself much of a sprinter. The last final stretch of the race was about 3 blocks and I started an attack early to the line to throw people off and let Erica take the sprint ... and ... it worked!!! Erica won and I got 4th again... yay! It was such a FUN race to compete in and it was awesome to have a teammate up there with me too.

And as usual, we are some of the silliest post-race cyclists ... so here's me and Erica's race report about the crit... well, actually it's up at the top of the post.

Goals for the Week

2007-03-20T15:55:00.000-04:00

It is SUNNY outside today in State College. This is strange. It is never sunny here. It was once sunny here back in January but it was negative 20 degrees outside so it didn't really matter. But it's sunny, and that's just grand.

Speaking of grand. I must share my 5 goals for the week with you.
Goal #1 - say "grand" a lot
Goal #2 - say "bugger" a lot
Goal #3 - skip randomly to places around campus
Goal #4 - learn how to say "i like to dance" in French
Goal #5 - eat 3 more zesty nachos from Taco Bell

I've managed to say grand a lot ... It almost sounds like 'great'; however, 'bugger' sounds like 'booger' so I've been having more troubles saying that one. Haven't quite skipped yet. Bugger.

Side note: I'm watching Oprah at the moment and have just discovered that she is left handed.

I learned some French, too. Now I can tell someone I like to dance AND ask someone to dance. I'm really going up the social ladder now!

I don't know if I'll made the zesty nachos goal, but everyone should try them because they are tasty.

okay. the end. :)

Fargo ... the Person, not the City

2007-03-18T22:29:00.000-04:00

FARGO is coming!!! Yes, that is her and me ... right there at the top of this post.

Tomorrow that is. I'm stoked. Fargo (her actual name is Alyssa... but I rarely ever call her that, so basically I sometimes forget her name but if you wanted to know her real name, that's what it is, but I will forever call her Fargo :) )is super cool and one of my bestest friends. It's going to be sooo nice to have one of my old friends come back and visit. It's kinda weird being a 5th year at times. All my good friends that I started college with and have built up so many memories with have all graduated and moved away. I still have some good friends around here, but nothing can beat that core group of friends that you can go out with at any time and be guaranteed an awesome time... those friends that are there for you in a blink of an eye and understand what's going on in your mind even before you do. I miss you guys!

I've been fortunate to see Tonya (now in Salt Lake City), Jeffrey (med school at Maryland), Perri (Philly!), and now Fargo (U of I grad student) this semester... I love you guys. You're the best!!! So, below are some picture of you, so the whole world can recognize that you are awesome. :)

Photo: Dr. Jeff and me ... when he graduated ... 2 years ago ... miss you best buddy!

Photo: Tonya and me when she came to visit all the way from Utah ... that night was one to remember and to forget. lol miss you!!

Photo: Perri and me on my 23rd birthday last May! It was soooo good to see you last weekend!!

My friends make me smile. Thanks for all the good times and memories :)

No Green Snow ...

2007-03-18T22:13:00.000-04:00

Well, spring break is officially over. My spring break was awesome! I thought having to spend half of it in spring break would be miserable but it turned out to be a good time... from Philly to Omaha to getting a job to 60 mile bike rides in 65 degree weather to watching the awesome movie Spellbound with some friends and even being locked out of my apartment twice. lol This weekend sucked, though. Actually it started Friday when I was snowed in my apartment. For some reason State College hadn't started plowing the roads so I was basically stuck... so, I spent the day riding the trainer and decorating our apartment so that it looked like spring (i.e. we still had Christmas decorations up).

Saturday was going to be great ... it was St. Patty's Day! However, my body decided only to let me sleep until 7am ... I have no idea why. I'm used to starting my weekends around noon, but because of my early awakening, I had biked 2 hours, swam an hour, and had all errands done by noon. I'm not very good with having extra time on my hands ... I can't sit still and like to be doing something at all times. So, I decided to use my buy one get one free Dairy Queen blizzard. I searched all over North Atherton looking for DQ because that's where I thought it was ... only to discover that they had shut down. So sad. I love ice cream. DQ should know this by now.

I kind of went out for St. Patty's day ... but not really. I lasted about 30 minutes at Pickle's before I walked back home (just long enough for my entire aura to smell like smoke) ... just wasn't feeling it.

Today I slept in until noon... excellent. Went swimming. Excellent. Didn't feel like riding my bike at all so I took 2 long walks. Luckily on my 1st walk I ran into Joe and Dana at Qdoba... they saved my day! I had been so bored and really just wanted to get outside and see people. Yay for Joe and Dana! Those two are always a fun couple to be around.

So my weekend started off with snow that wasn't green, no green blizzard, no green burritos (I had really wanted to go to Mad Mex), and not much fun. However ... it DID end on a good note when I discovered that Taco Bell has some awesome "zesty nachos" for only $1.05 (including tax).

Yeah ... zesty nachos make me smile. :)

Toilets

2007-03-16T01:17:00.000-04:00

I was at Barnes and Noble today studying with Kelly and Mike. I often procrastinate there by drinking buckets of water and lots of lattes. Therefore, every 30 minutes I'm venturing to the back of the store to visit the women's restroom. Usually, I'm not too disappointed in B&N restrooms... until today. The inevitable happened ...

PEE ON THE SEAT!

This is a common occurence on campus at the HUB, but I think it tends to be a college thing as I have never seen so much pee on seats than at the Penn State campus's restrooms. For some reason people have a phobia of sitting on seats. Some women might think that they can aim or something and somehow squat and make it directly into the bowl (where the duck is), but sorry ladies, you can't.

People have these phobias because they are afraid of butt cooties or something. However, it's just skin, and it's not really your actual butt butt. It's your thighs. What's the difference between sitting out in a bikini on a pool deck and sitting on a toilet seat? I don't get it. The bathroom door handle has millions of more bacteria and germs than the toilet seat does, yet people don't seem to have problems with touching handles where people's hands have touched ... hands that have been sneezed on and coughed on, etc, and then eating food with their bare hands.

The most common areas of pee location in women's bathrooms is illustrated above by the speckled yellow dots that I have drawn on this fancy sea green toilet seat, absolutely making it impossible for seat sitters like myself to sit down. This especially bothers me on the days after I have ridden 60 miles on a bicycle (like today) and my quads just don't feel like using my thigh squatting muscles.

So, my suggestion ladies. If you are afraid of toilet seats, please lift up the seat. Just use your foot and flip it up, squat and do your non-aiming abilities, and then flush. That way us seat sitters can sit and save our sore quads from squatting.

And yes, I'm still smiling because I got to include a rubber ducky in a photo for this post. :)

Riding to Alexandria

2007-03-15T20:24:00.000-04:00

The weather here in State College was absolutely gorgeous earlier this week. For those of us who stayed in town over spring break the weather was mighty kind to us ... until today. Today it was raining, sleeting, and tomorrow we might get 6 inches of snow??!?! craziness. But we can still be thankful for the earlier part of the week.

So, to capture the spring time weather yesterday, I went on a beautiful bicycle ride to Alexandria. Now, when I say beautiful, I actually just mean warm weather, as it was raining on us for the first hour of the 60 mile ride. However, it was 65 degrees the entire ride. Mike, Tracey and I were covered with mud and rain all over our faces and clothing. That made it even more fun! See picture above of my face speckled in mud. My bike was a mess afterwards ... covered in mud. It took a nice hour to clean it up and make it shiney again. I like shiney. Shiney makes me smile... like the photo.

It's soo much fun riding with Mike and Tracey. There's never a dull moment. 3hours 15 minutes of pure fun yesterday. The way home it stopped raining and I was in shorts and my jersey and not cold at all. Those kinds of rides make me incredibly happy. Once again... refer to picture.

Speaking of cycling... I did my first race since July 2005 this past weekend in Philly. It went all right considering I hadn't raced in forever and was still recovering from bronchitis. My passion for racing has kind of dwindled for the moment. After being forced to take a year off from training last year because of my hip, I've learned that there are so many other things in life that make me happy as well. So, I've turned into a bit of a fair weather rider and just keeping everything low key.... keeping it fun with no stress.

That's what makes me happy. :)

First Post

2007-03-14T21:21:00.000-04:00

Hey everyone! So, I decided to start my own blogger thinger because so much is going on in my life and I figure everyone should know about it. ha. Actually, I figure this will be a good way to keep all my friends posted on my post-college-life.

Unfortunately, I only have 2 more precious months here at wonderful Penn State. I'll definitely miss this place. Some days I get a bit tired of the college scene ... but I think that's mostly because I just miss all my friends that I started college with. That's what being a 5th year does to ya.

I've been job searching like crazy this semester. My main problem is trying to figure out exactly WHERE I want to live. I love it here in Pennsylvania... the scenery is amazing... but I'm also wanting to venture into a new part of the United States. The northeast is awesome and everything you would ever wanna do is within a day's drive. However, most big food science companies are located in New Jersey. Sorry, folks, not a huge fan of the place. I'm not a big city girl so living so close to NYC probably wouldn't be the best idea. I love going into cities, but the countryside has to be nearby as well. That's what I love about State College. It's a city, in the middle of nowhere, with stuff to do, but the countryside is so close as well = Excellent. So, I had a spur of the moment idea that I want to live in Minneapolis, MN. General Mills is located there and I hear it's an AWESOME (but cold. lol) city to live in. Unfortunately, General Mills doesn't have any available positions for me... boo.

So, last week I went to the spring career fair at the Bryce Jordan Center. I talked to a couple of companies. Most of the companies weren't looking for food scientists, but were looking for engineers and business people. However, ConAgra wanted some food scientists. They asked me to come in the next morning for an interview and before I knew it they were flying me out to Omaha. Everything was VERY last minute and the trip went by soo fast! I got into my hotel around 11pm Monday and was on my plane back to PSU at 3:30pm Tuesday. Yes, VERY quick trip as well. I'll have to do another post about Omaha itself, but to make a long story short...

I GOT THE JOB!

I don't know if I'll be taking it as I don't have all of the details yet; however, I do know that I would be working in the dairy section. I could possibly be making your future Egg Beaters, Swiss Miss hot chocolate, Reddi-Whip, or Snack Pac puddings! Crazy, eh?

So, that's the big news of the moment. It's exciting and I'm relieved to finally have my gateway to the "real world." :)

Smile ... cuz I am!